Circling Planet Earth — A Job I Can Do Anywhere

I am getting restless in this so-called paradise of California, and my thoughts are turning to moving on. After all, I pretty much can write anywhere I can find WiFi or an internet connection. Really. AT&T internet really isn’t so bad as all the people kvetching about it say. I’ve only had it crash completely once, and thank God it wasn’t when the rent was due. I am glad, though, that I was not living in Armenia last week. Some elderly lady took out the internet for Armenia and the country of Georgia when she was looking for scrap metal, poor thing.

I guess that makes me vulnerable to electrical and internet outages, but so far so good. I don’t have a dog to chew thru my internet cable or kids to accidentally trip over the power cord and smash the computer. Those things make it much easier to move on. I am now weighing expensive living against living in a snow bank for 7 months of the year. If the winter weather keeps up, my move of last resort may be to Hawaii, but I hear it is very expensive there too, and they have cockroaches that are like the size of houseboats.

I could handle Arizona, Phoenix I guess, except I hear that they have shoe-dwelling scorpions, as does Oklahoma. Oklahoma??!! Really? Who knew. My sister tells me that for like 9 months of the year, no one goes outside in Phoenix during the day unless you want to be crisped and annihilated by the sun. I am the palest person I’ve ever met. Perhaps Phoenix is out. Same with Dallas. Big state. Big hair. Big heat.

Seattle is fun. It’s cloudy like Rochester, NY but actually has culture, places to go and things to do. I would definitely need a SAD light box to live there. Or there are clinical trials being done in Finland on the Valkee, a walkman sized box with earbuds that shine light right into your brain, no eyes needed. I could sleep an extra hour plugged into this contraption in the morning, and still feel great, energized and not wanting to hide under the bed and wail until the sun comes out again.

Why are all the warm spots on planet earth so expensive? I hate snow; it reminds me of bird poo. And anyone who knows me well knows I have a Tippi Hedren complex when it comes to birds. When I first moved to northern CA, I could not believe the size of the crows there — they were as big as a very fat house cat. A whole family of them could take out an electrical wire and the poles too. I’m so glad they didn’t have the nerve to dive bomb me; they just stuck to bombing my hated Honda with bird poo. Good thing too, because I would have screamed loud enough to do Tippi proud if they had.

What to do? Where to move? This is making me restless. I can work anywhere on planet earth. I just don’t want to be here anymore, or anyplace else I can think of right now. Wouldn’t it be great to pop out your brain, put it in a jar and stick it on a shelf for awhile? You could just pop it back in when you are ready to go. I am definitely ready to go. I just don’t know where yet…


4 Responses

  1. Hi,
    Just stumbled onto your blog and couldn’t help but respond to your despondent post. Don’t want to be anywhere on earth right now? According to a recent national study of best places to live, Fargo, North Dakota is where you probably need to go.

    We have low crime, low unemployment, decent living conditions, affordable housing, a nice cross-section of humanity represented, a vibrant fine arts community, 3 colleges, clean air, open spaces, the list goes on and on.

    And please, don’t even think of putting your brain in a jar! My folks are in their 70’s and 80’s, still ranching without any help, and have not checked out mentally in any way, shape, or form. Living here all their lives, they are happy, healthy, not whiny, and living a full life.

    Blogging is no doubt a nice way to spend part of a life but if you really want to keep living, try this part of the country! Some may say it’s too cold or remote, or some other lame excuse for not trying it. However, take it from people who have evidently researched it. Why not think about considering North Dakota? Now that would be something to blog about!!! =)

    BTW, blizzards are no way as bad as earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, radioactive fish, or any number of natural or unnatural disasters that I can think of. Around here, we just put on our “big girl panties” and deal with the cold, snow and months of low light.

  2. Thanks for reading. Having lived a chunk of my life in NY’s snowbelt, I’ve never considered SD, but hear it is beautiful. I guess I’m going shopping for some big girl panties…:)

    • Glad to hear from you! Uhhhh, it’s NORTH Dakota. To outsiders, it might seem the same but there are alot of big differences, no offense. Yes, we have snow but usually it’s the long periods of waaaaay below zero that “keep out the riff raff!” Your writing is delightful!

  3. Thanks, Bonnie. Sorry to get the North/South thing wrong. 🙂

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